As I sit here, listening to the thunder roll on the first of March, I think I've reached a point where this idea of finding a wife is absolutely driving me crazy. I can't deal with it very well sometimes, and in moments like today, I'd just as soon drive a stake through the heart of any hopes and dreams I have that it will ever happen. That would be easier than this feeling of desperation, loneliness and doubt that I'll ever find someone.
I suppose these are the rantings of a guy who's depressed about losing someone, and if that's the case, it's embarrassing to me, but there it is: I can't change the way I feel. And today, I'd just soon move on and bury all of those dreams six feet under and face a life of living a solitary life. That's tangible, and I can cope with that. This seemingly vain hope drives me insane.
It is tiresome to hear time and time again about how great a catch I am, as I did just the other day from a woman who became engaged two weeks ago. I'm tired of being that guy, the "great catch" who's "going to make someone so happy someday," who "will make such a great dad." I always comeback with a line that makes them laugh, "hey...could you write me a recommendation?" but that line is old and worn out, and in serious need of a retread.
I feel an immense weight on my shoulders, and I just want to be rid of it. I suppose I have to leave it in God's hands, by default, not out of the strength of my faith, but rather out of a self-interest in maintaining my sanity. True love ain't happening through any efforts of mine, clearly, and I'm pretty much ready to give up on the whole operation.
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1 comment:
Dan,
Would you be open to my introducing you to someone? If so, call me.
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