Meg

I've been thinking of writing a cathartic post about what happened last Sunday, but I don't feel I have it in me, and maybe I don't need to. Suffice it to say that the woman whom I thought was my soul mate rejected me, telling me she no longer had any vision or hope of us ever sharing a life together, or that she felt any romantic inclination towards me at all, despite the fact that she believes that she'll never find anyone in her life who will love her more than I. That is very, very hard to hear, and even harder to understand, and all so painful.

Talk of being just friends entered the conversation, and I told her that I hoped to one day be big enough to be a friend to her, without feeling turmoil over it. We left it that I would call her when I felt I could do so.

As I've lived and dealt with this over the past few days, it became imminently clear to me that it was not possible for me to be "just friends" with her. I thought of sending her a letter to communicate this, with the suggestion that in a year we could have coffee and see if that was possible then. Sending the letter didn't feel right to me though. When I left her last Sunday, though it was painful, it wasn't goodbye or farewell, and I didn't want to do that through a letter. I called Meg up, letting her know what my thoughts were on being friends, telling her that I think I needed at least a year with no contact with her. She said that sounded like such a long time. We both are sad at the prospect. She asked me if she ever thought I could be friends with her, and I told her that I hoped so, but that I had no idea. What we did agree on is that we wanted a proper goodbye and farewell, in person. She's coming over on Saturday. I think it will be very hard, but I want to be able to say goodbye to her in person, and give her one last hug.

I do love that woman so.