I've been reflecting a lot lately on living the single life. I've come to a point where I can see that this is a gift in my life right now. I'm no longer bucking against it, and even though I still long to be married, I'm realizing that my life will change in drastic ways when and if I get married. I've realized that I will miss my solitude. There is a gift in solitude and I've often thought of Thomas Merton's words that when we feel most alone, it is then that God desires to travel with us in the most intimate ways possible. Merton wrote that the Israelites' 40 years in the desert were viewed by God as an idyllic time when He could travel alone with them. I am seeing glimpses of this and I've come to cherish my solitude at home.
But even in the midst of that, there is a profound sense of longing for companionship. I have come to realize that companionship with God is always present and I know He desires me to rely completely on Him but the longing within me to be married is so incredibly strong. Maybe I'll only get married when I reach a point that it doesn't matter if I get married. I'm not there yet, however, but I've come to reach a point where anytime I feel loneliness, the only response that can salve that pain is to unite it with Christ. And for me, I offer it up on behalf of Meg. How ironic God is, don't you think? Glory be to God, because in doing so, I can not only endure the suffering, but say, "bring it on." That's God's grace! How beautiful it all is to me, and I know that I could never have learned these lessons if Meg and I had been together. As it is, I think I love her more than I ever have and there is nothing that I desire more in life than that Meg become fully enveloped in the love of Christ. Nothing in life matters to me more than that. I am finally beginning to see a glimpse of how Paul could say that he rejoices in suffering. What wouldn't we do for those whom we love? This is clear evidence of God's grace in our lives! This is not the way we, or the world think, but praise be to God that He transforms us, through our very struggles in life.
Praise be to God, for He is good.