So I'm itching to do a little reading. Some specific kinds of reading. I've been thinking about books that might hit me where I find myself, with regards to God.
I'm a disillusioned Christian. Not by God, really, but rather by the church.
I suppose the issue is with me, but whatever I might think about it, I simply have no desire to attend a church, or to be involved with a group of fellow believers, outside of the close circle I already travel in.
The phrase "the fellowship of believers" does not fill me with a desire to hop in the car and go out for coffee. Call me crazy, but I'd rather grab a beer with my non-Christian friends.
My closest and dearest friends are believers, and so in that sense, yes I do enjoy the fellowship of believers. But feeling that I have the most in common with other Christians, and that they should be the primary people I relate to, is not desirable to me.
I got together for lunch a couple of days ago with a friend who is a former student of mine. He's in his mid-twenties, and a Christian. He's married, and he and his wife are faithful attenders of church, and both are active in Bible studies. I always leave conversations like this wondering if this is what I'm "supposed" to be doing. That this is somehow the mark of a "good" Christian.
I've been in small groups from time to time, but they never really took. Nor did the compunction to have a daily devotion. Does this make me an awful Christian? Or at worst, nothing more than a nominal one?
I could see myself living out the rest of my days, never being a member of a church. I'm very content not going to church, and I don't really like it when I do. Is this terrible? Is this sinful? Is this something that displeases God? I suppose so.
I often think of a psalm of David, where he talks about the joy he feels at going to the house of the Lord. That always makes me cringe, because I don't feel that way at all. In fact, I feel quite the opposite. I often have quite a visceral reaction at the thought of going to church.
Why is that? I haven't discovered the answer to this perplexing question.
As I see it, perhaps the most important reason to go to church (besides communion) is that one can worship God with other believers. I recognize that we are commanded to worship God. One problem for me is that I find all of the music in church to be utterly saccharine, and emotionally-charged drivel. I'm exposed on a weekly basis to the best music written in the history of the world, and so a praise song written by some hack over at Word publishing is like eating a Ho-Ho. Not the recipe for a worshipful experience. My most worshipful moments happen on stage, in concerts. I may not be worshiping in a church, but I still feel that it is authentic worship.
I worship God when I think of the beauty in nature. I find myself being thankful to God for all kinds of little things, and it's not uncommon for me to remember very poignantly how I have felt the healing hand of God in my life. I praise him for it, but in quiet moments, like just today, when I was cooking dinner. Food, in fact, is often the place where I find myself in a very worshipful state. Who can't be thankful for garlic? Or praise God for the glories of a terrific cherry pie?
I often question how Christian a life I lead. Not a very good one, I'm afraid. But I do try to love my fellow man, and treat the people that I meet in my life in a loving and humane way. In my noblest moments, I do treat others as I would like to be treated myself. I fall short, of course, but my aim is high, if not always true.
But what about loving the Lord my God with all my heart, and with all my soul? I'm afraid I'm not there. But if that means reading the Bible everyday, or memorizing a boatload of Scripture, or having the ability to talk profoundly about the latest theological tome, or being in a Bible study, or an "accountability group," then I'm afraid I'll never get there.
I struggle with this. I love God, but I know not enough. I suppose that goes for all of us. But the question is this: am I growing in my love of God? Sometimes, I just want things to stay just the way they are. I'm comfortable where I am, and the idea of entering in deeper isn't so appealing to me.
But, if there's anything I know about God, he's not too keen on maintaining the status quo.
Bugger.
Anyway, all that to say that I want to read some books. I want to read some books by people who might think like I do, or who have traveled where I find myself today.
I've heard good things about Anne Lamont, and the memory I have of what people have said about her is that she's a bit raw and honest.
Not sure about Blue Like Jazz, but I have a similar feeling about it.
And then perhaps Velvet Elvis.
I'd like some recommendations, if any of the few readers of this blog have some.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I've not read Plan B by Lamott, but I have read most of her other non-fiction (which, imho, is far better than her fiction - probably more fiction than her fiction as well :)). Lamott is raw and "liberal" about certain things, but seems genuine to me in her writing - and she's a very talented and funny writer. Traveling Mercies would be an excellent place to start.
. . . . .
Donald Miller's books, Blue Like Jazz especially, are excellent and might be just what you're looking for.
. . . . .
And Velvet Elvis is excellent as well.
But he writes strangely at times.
Like this.
Sowing his paragraphs like seeds.
(Yes, ultimately I'm just jealous.) ; )
. . . . .
Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov - probably any of Dostoevsky - would be an excellent novel.
. . . . .
Lewis's Til We Have Faces if you haven't read it, is his best work of fiction in my opinion.
. . . . .
I have all those books if you don't want to buy them or if you can't find them in the personal libraries of nearby friends or if you have difficulty getting them from your public library. Let me know.
And if I think of any more, I'll let you know.
Thanks for the recommendations, guys.
I've been meaning to read Anne Lamott. I remember Belinda suggested Traveling Mercies ages ago too. I think I'll start there.
I suspect I would enjoy Brothers Karamazov. I read most of Anna Karenina and found him to be quite insightful about the human condition. I stopped reading when someone told me how the book ended, by saying, "Isn't that the book where____________ happens?"
I agree with you: Til We Have Faces is terrific. Worth another read.
Mark, I haven't read Love in the Ruins, but I know he's your favorite author. I may even have that one on my shelf, actually.
Thanks for suggesting Haven Kimmel. I'm not familiar with her at all. Books and authors are sort of like music: I'm always hungry for someone new and good, so thanks for giving me someone new to try.
Thanks again...
Dan, I may be a little late here, but I would echo the Anne Lamott, Donald Miller, Haven Kimmel recommendations. Travelling Mercies and A Girl Called Zippy were book club reads for a group I ran for several years, reaching out to unchurched or negatively-churched spiritual seekers. Both were big hits. Also, I hear Miller's Searching For God Knows What is excellent, in addition to Blue Like Jazz, although I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.
Dan, Omar and I are currently reading East of Eden (Steinbeck, of course) and it's one of the most powerful novels I've ever read. It's a retelling of the Cain and Abel story. Steinbeck is really laying out the meaning (also purpose, direction) of our lives: timshel. This is the ancient Jewish concept that Steinbeck translates as, "thou mayest." In the King James version of the Bible, the translated concept sounds like Cain was promised that he WOULD rule over/conquer sin.
In the new American Standard verion of the Bible, it reads like Cain WAS ORDERED to rule over sin. Instead, Steinbeck lays out the fact that we have THE CHOICE to rule over sin.
I know you're not discussing or pondering sin or the sin in our lives, but the book lays this out as a premise, "thou mayest," and takes a multi-generational look at how that is lived out.
Thou mayest. It just rings true to me.
(I, apparently was a lazy English teacher: even though this book had been recommended to me many times--including by students who said it's the best book they've ever read--I never read it because it was so long.)
Since I was reading your blog looking for book recommendations, I thought of this one. Since we are reading (almost done), I've recommended it to several people. It is worth the time and (what I think is) the slow start to the novel.
(Also, I have always enjoyed reading your writing--and that's still true. Glad to have logged on tonight--the first time I've been on my computer since the robbery--and it's still not hooked back up correctly, no sound.)
Post a Comment