Read below first.
I think this is where the rubber hits the road: it's all about my perception of the love of God.
I think I've always viewed God's love as rooted primarily in giving me what's "good for me," rather than producing joy in my life. By extension, I've always believed that because God gives what is good for us, that if I don't rejoice in the thought of what is "good for me," then there is something categorically disordered in my thinking of the world, so I should just gird up my loins and shut up about it. So every time this image of the undesirable soul mate God has in store for me shows up in the movie screen of my mind, the sequel is always this: you won't like it, but it's good for you, so you'll take your medicine.
What the hell kind of a way is that to think about your future wife?
Fucked up, that's what it is.
That's always been the way I've viewed the image of a wife that is provided me by God.
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7 comments:
That's a lie. Dude, that sucks. You need to be imagining, thinking and praying for that Jesus loving hotty that is in your future. In the wise words of Zig Ziglar "Stop your stinkin thinkin!"
If God was a God that wanted something that was "just good for you" than he wouldn't have made such beauty around us. I don't think nature alone would be so awesome if he thought like that. I think it's good that you are writing about it.
What if what is good for you is also delicious? Why is it an either/or?
I agree with Torey. And it's a dumb lie (well, most lies are - at least all the lies I listen to are).
It's not as if God is going to step down onto your doorstep and present you with your future wife and shrug his shoulders apologetically saying, "Sucks to be you."
The woman will rock your world. Now, she might be one of those girls who "love the Lord" - read: fat, buck-toothed, and cross-eyed - but that's OK, because you're just going to see some giada-shue hottie every time you look at her.
And, the amazing thing, it won't be some divine deception; it won't be settling. What it will be is every fiber of your being feeling immense attraction - falling in love.
Until she leaves the clichéd cap off the toothpaste or lets the crumb-crunchers get into all your "stuff" while she's doing taxes. Then it's war, plain and simple. I mean, love, plain and simple. It's love working itself out in love. And asking forgiveness.
But we were talking about you, weren't we?
Let me put it this way: My wife may not be a supermodel, but it beats the hell out of me why she isn't.
If that makes sense.
I know it's all so crazy and absurd, which is why I suppose it's good to get it down in print, so I can look at it and see clearly how nutso it is.
But that's the thing about lies that are insidious too--they get in, and it's hard to extricate them. The seed of this crazy lie was planted a long time ago, and I've always told myself it's nuts, but it keeps coming back.
I know it's completely absurd, but I haven't been able to pull a lever and expunge this whole thing from my mind.
And I guess as I've been reflecting upon it recently, it really has less to do with my future wife, and more to do with my perception of God, and his love for me. I think I have a somewhat severe view of God's love-that it is rooted more in what I said, (what's good for me) rather than rooted in God desiring us to experience delight. Or something delicious. I know that's absurd, but that's something I struggle with quite a bit.
Anon said why can't God's plan be "delicious" to...that's hard for me to wrap my earth-bound head around. I find it very hard to believe that will happen, and that, I suppose, is crazy too.
It's rooted in me really having a hard time trusting God. I don't trust him to provide me with a spouse who will be my soul mate. And I KNOW that's crazy too.
My faith in this area is nothing more than the proverbial mustard seed.
Somebody get the wrecking ball, will ya? I got some walls to break down.
To what length would you go to find such a wrecking ball?
Psalm 63:5
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods...
I like that Sherry...especially since I'm such a food-loving kind of guy.
Thanks for the comment.
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