Stormy Weather

It would seem that I'm going through my Dark Night. I'm sure it's one of many, but it will take grief of a magnitude exponentially greater than what I'm feeling right now to top this. I'm raw, completely undone and frayed around the edges. I started to cry at work today when talking to a friend about questioning whether or not I could serve on our negotiation committee because of my current state, and almost cried again during rehearsal of Die Fledermaus by Strauss, a joyful piece of music if there ever was one.

I'm usually not so easily emotional and usually am completely composed. People are beginning to notice that I'm not my usual bubbly self. This grief at losing Meg is really taking it's toll on me, and it seems that there has been renewed vigor in the gut-wrenching department in the past few days. I understand that the tide of grief ebbs and flows, but you really notice the tides when your safely on shore. Right now, I feel as if I'm in the gully of a 30 foot wave and can't see the horizon or any sign of safe harbor--all I see are storm clouds, all I feel is hail raining down on my heart.