Sunday, December 16, 2007
This is the happy crew from the bone section I played with today for our annual Christmas concert. They're good kids and good players and like all trombone players, they're fun. Every year my brass quintet does an annual Christmas show where we recruit students to play along. It's grueling, but it's a huge hit with the community. We earn our keep since it's an hour and a half of nonstop playing, but it always feels worth it when it's done.
Over all it went well, though I've noticed a very curious thing. This fallout with Meg has had an impact on my t-bone playing. I realize that Meg's rejection of me has really had a negative impact on my overall confidence, and it's been bleeding into my profession. That ain't good.
When I'm surrounded by college students, I often think back on my years in college. A lot of the guys brought their girlfriends with them and they came backstage after the show. Seeing all of those happy couples makes me think back on my years back then where I really never had a girlfriend, ever. If I tabulate the total time I've ever been in a relationship with a woman it probably wouldn't total two years, and a year and a half of that was with Meg.
It probably sounds like I'm feeling some self pity, but recalling all of those years of being alone, compounded by my current solitary state, is pretty painful. Watching one of these couples walking down the hall in front of me, hand in hand, caused me to feel a gut wrenching pain.
I have to believe that there is a reason and a purpose behind all of it. There just has to be.