Friday, July 11, 2008

A Maskil

Meg's rejection of me has been more painful than I can bear, and it hasn't abated in two years' time. I don't know how I could ever go through that again. I don't know how I could be courageous enough to risk the possibility. I don't know how I could love a woman more than I love Meg or how any other woman could surpass Meg in my affections. As much as I desire it, I can't see anyone replacing her. I know that's foolish, but it's the reality of my heart and because of it, I fear I'll be trudging through life alone for a long time. How could I ever give my affections to another woman when my heart still belongs to Meg, a woman who has no interest in having it?

Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
My life is consumed with anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.
I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.
I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.
All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
I wait for you, O Lord;
you will answer, O Lord my God.
O Lord, do not forsake me;
be not far from me, O my God.
Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my Savior.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
To you, O Lord, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy;
Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me;
O Lord, be my help.
In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth.
I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliciton
and knew the anguish of my soul.

Weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the Lord.
The eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death,
and keep them alive in famine.

I wait in hope for the Lord;
he is my help and my shield.
In him my heart rejoices,
for I trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon me,
O Lord,
even as I put my hope in you.

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