Mars Hill

The past two weeks I've gone to Mars Hill. I figured it's time to get going back to church, after a many year absence. When I first went to Mars Hill several years ago, the primary thought I had was thinking about the fact that I attended Sunday School with Rob Bell. It was sort of one of those a "prophet's not welcome in his own country" types of things. I didn't want to acknowledge that this guy who I knew vaguely so long ago was at the head of this amazing movement. And probably more than that, I was jealous.

Not that I have ever had visions of being the spiritual leader of a mega church--there was something about having known this guy, and being envious of his talents/success/gifts, etc. It was a clear case of not celebrating the gifts God has given the man, and being content with my own place in the big scheme of things.

Today I have a different attitude. Rob Bell is an amazing teacher. I thank God for it, and I'm glad God's given him the grace to be such a teacher, and that Rob has been open to receiving that grace. I've reached a point where I'm content with my place being a plebe in the Kingdom. So be it, right? And thank God that he's raised up men like Rob. It doesn't matter that I shared the same room with him in Sunday School, and it's pointless to ask the question "why him and not me?" as I've often asked about all kinds of people. God has different journeys for us all, and we're not in charge of the direction, and we need to be content both with where God takes us, and where he takes others. Rob's sermon today touched upon this idea, and it was one of those cases where I felt as if the sermon was specifically aimed at me.

He used the story of Moses and the Exodus of the Israelites to the Promised Land to shed light on the fact that there are no guarantees in life. At the end of his life, Moses was shown the Promised Land, and told directly by God that he would not see it. Moses wanted desperately to enter, but God did not allow it. The message of Rob's sermon? There are no guarantees.

Rob said that many Christians have anchored deep in their psyche the idea that if they do 'A' and 'B,' God will do 'C.' Throughout my life, I know I've felt that way, and I've even written about it in my blog from time to time. Rob reiterated what we all know to be true from our existence: life isn't a straight line, where we go in a direction of our choosing. It's a meandering road, and we have no idea where it will lead, or why we're going the direction we're headed in. He even made a statement that certainly most evangelists wouldn't use: sometimes, after giving our lives to Christ, our lives become much more difficult than before, out of God's desire to grow us into the man or woman he wants us to be.

Where does this hit me? Right in the gut, and right between the eyes of the one thing that's continually on my mind. There's no guarantee on this planet that I'll find a wife, or that if I do, that it will be in the time and way that I envision it. It truly is in God's hands, and there's nothing to say that it will even happen to me. Obviously, I desire it greatly, but it's not up to me. Which of course sucks, but it's true.

Talk about wrestling with God! In my mind, I'm at the bend in the journey where I should find my wife. But she ain't nowhere to be found, and who knows how many bends in the road there might be before she comes along, or whether she'll come along at all.

That's a hard one, brother, but I'm trying to be O.K. with it. I've had a long, 36+ journey to get to today, where I'm ready and willing to be married, and that deeply rooted idea in my psyche of the rules of the road says I'm deserving of having a wife by my side.

Sorry--no guarantees in this life.

It's all about submitting to God, which is freaking hard, and knowing that he's there every step of the way along the journey, and trying to LET GO of my poor attempts at controlling my future.

I'm a work in progress, that's all I have to say.