Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Man, I'm in a major funk. I wrote for a couple of hours today and I find what I'm writing is very difficult. I reliving memories that were very painful for me and it takes its toll on me. I know I need to write my story, but it's hard. But I think all great things are difficult, and I truly believe that what I'm writing needs to be written, but that doesn't make it any easier.

And today, I accidentally sent a draft of an email to Meg. I wrote it several months ago when I received that random text message out of the blue saying that "Megan" was in love with someone else. I happened to be looking through my draft mailbox and saw it there, and it accidentally got sent. I've purposely kept communication with Meg at a bare bones minimum, in fact only once since November of last year, and I certainly didn't want that email sent. It caused me to think about her more, and she already replied and it makes me keenly aware of how much I miss her, and how much I enjoyed her company and that I'm still very much in love with her.

God help me, but will those feelings ever go away? I've been apart from her longer than we were together.

Heavy sigh.

Incidentally, she doesn't know anything about the text messages, which is as I suspected, but I didn't need to send the email to confirm that. Sending the email seems pretty pathetic, even if it was accidental. Oh well, what's done is done I guess.

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