The Gym

I'm not a fan of "the gym." I'm filled with all kinds of prejudices wrapped around the whole milieu of "going to the gym," or "working out." I remember in college hearing guys talk about working out, or how they needed to get to the gym, and within me I silently judged them for being so shallow and self-absorbed. I quietly mocked them in my own mind, all the while celebrating my lack of concern over such things.

I think this all began in school, when phys ed class seemed like the biggest joke on the planet. Even from a young age, I viewed the cultural focus on sports to be silly, and that sports were unimportant to society as a whole, and in fact the whole world of sports in my mind seemed at times idolatrous. (I still believe this, to a certain extent, and find it obscene that sports figures earn multi-million dollar contracts, when I question the actual positive contributions professional sports makes to society as a whole. I think, overall, the influence of professional sports is a negative one, but that could still be part of my bias--but a bias I'm willing to hang onto, even though I'm attempting to shed others).

After going to the gym yesterday for the first time in ages, I still don't like it. But I'm going to go and stick it out. I had a rough time yesterday, only because this diet I'm on is so low in calories that my body didn't react well to what I was putting it through. Several times while doing some work with the machines, I felt as if I was going to pass out or puke. No pain, no gain, but I was shocked at how light headed I was. I had to stop short because I was afraid I was going to pass out. I was the object of concern from the trainers, and the women in my class--a little humbling, to say the least, but I couldn't really help the condition it put me in.

I'm going to try and reboot my relationship with exercise, and the gym. Through some strange manifestation of pride in my life, I have wanted to always shun any association with going to the gym, or working out, but I realize now that this has only been detrimental to me. 100 years ago people got plenty of exercise living their lives--lifting hay bales, feeding cattle, sowing corn. I get paid to sit on my arse all day, and play trombone. That's it. If I'm not moving my body, I'm not honoring the image of God within me by striving to be healthy. I suppose the gym is the place where most people who care about staying healthy go these days, so apparently this needs to include me.

I am getting the "eye of the tiger" with this weight loss program. I'll be involved with the program for 18 weeks, and I asked the doctor the other day what's possible in those nearly five months. He told me that the program will be as effective as the effort I put into it. This resonates with the musician in me--I'm a professional because I worked at it, hard, to become one, and didn't let go of the dream I had as a high school student. I can be neurotically myopic with things in my life, when I want to get something accomplished, and I'm going to try and be this way with this part of my life. I'm tired of living this way, at weighing this much, and I want to change the remainder of my life on this earth, and never again be above 200 lbs., Lord willing. The doctor told me that he's seen people like me lose 100 lbs in five months. That's a goal worth aspiring towards, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make it happen.

My program will be completed on January 19, 2011. I'm aiming for 100 lbs. loss in that time, which is a huge and daunting task, but I want to reach that goal more than anything. May God give me the grace to continue on. My plan as a reward for all that effort is going to the Caribbean or South America in the first part of February. Costa Rica has some adventure tours, which require a lot of physical activity, and that sounds like a hell of a lot of fun...especially for a guy that weighs 185 instead of 285.

I think I'm in business...almost!

I just found out some very good news: it's possible, according to state law, to have a commercial kitchen in one's basement. I could easily convert my laundry room into usage for this purpose! I had feared that one needed to have a separate entrance, but though this is preferred, it is not the law. The question now only concerns zoning, which is covered by the City of Grand Rapids.

I'm very excited by this prospect, and if this is possible, I'll definitely be starting up a little baking business in my basement, and start selling things at the Farmer's Market this summer, followed by chocolates in the fall.

Giddy up!

Auditions

I received my Union paper today which lists every opening for orchestral jobs in the country. The one orchestra I would love to play in most in the country has a trombone opening, the Cleveland Orchestra. When I read that today, I decided that my life is going to be dedicated to the trombone from here on out until March 9. Hours and hours of practicing and recording myself, listening to recordings, studying scores, plus plenty of mock auditions in February, as well as a recital sometime in February as well too, all to prepare for one day in March.

If you think I’m obsessive about making the best cake, that’s nothing compared to how I view a trombone audition I really want. I’m going for it, with every fiber of my being. I’ve got a new trombone, and I’ve never felt better about my trombone playing or my chances for winning a big job. And there’s a big part of me that would love to move from Grand Rapids, away from memories of the most painful two years of my life.

I’m going to bring all of my powers of perseverance and musicianship to bear on this endeavor.

Bring it on!

You know that expression that everyone says to you, when they're talking about your singleness? Here it is: "oh...it'll happen when you least expect it. You won't know what hit you."

I think generally, people who are single don't want to hear that, especially from married people. The fact is, if other singles are like me, they have been hoping that the "least expected moment" will happen in the very next second. It may be the "least expected moment," but that doesn't mean it's going to be a surprise. It's become the "least expected moment" because the moment has never come, but that doesn't mean that single men and women will be surprised when it happens. They've been looking for it, looking for it for years, sometimes for decades and when it happens, they'll already have hoped that this very moment could be the one. I'm not going to be taken by surprise when I meet my wife. I'll be surprised that I've actually found her, but I won't be surprised at her--I know I'll already have hoped that she was the one, just like I do with a dozen women every day of my life.

Making Truffles

It's time to start filling the orders from the woman who won my chocolate auction. Since tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, I figured I would try and make her some Irish Cream truffles, since she liked those so much. I had hoped to make the Irish Cream ganache yesterday so I could dip them today, but it didn't work out. I think I'll have to deliver them a day late, and actually dip them tomorrow.

This is the first step in the process however. Once you mix up the ganache, ideally one would pour them into a square of the right size that is made using stainless steel caramel bars. I looked into buying some and as insane as it seems, to buy a set of 20 stainless steel bars costs $340. That's just nuts. Up until now, what I've used is a baking pan filled with plastic wrap which was a messy nuisance. Taking inspiration from one of my teachers at the CIA, I decided to head to Menards to see what I could find, since he told us that a hardware store is a goldmine for pastry chefs. With a little snooping, I found these chrome plated shelf brackets which are exactly the right size. They're even dishwasher safe. All told, less than $10.

I'll let this set up over night, then tomorrow I'll cut them into 96 one inch squares. That's a lot of chocolate! The cool thing for me to imagine is the potential value added to these tasty squares. As far as materials, the pound of milk chocolate costs me about $7.00, and a pound of dark chocolate for coating them is about the same--that's at retail prices. Besides that, a cup of cream might be $1.00, and the Irish Cream, butter and vanilla extract are negligible. The cocoa butter transfer sheets that I'll use on top probably cost $1.00, but with a huge order that would amount to pennies. Total invested in this batch of chocolate: about $16.00. If I sold these for $1.00, I'd easily clear $90.00. And for a handmade chocolate that's this tasty, $1.00 is a bargain. At one of the local food stores, handmade truffles like this go for $2.30 each. As far as time involved, I'll probably have about two hours invested, so that's about $45 an hour, not bad.

It gets me excited thinking about the possibilities!

I'll show some pictures of the finished products tomorrow.

Chocolates...and PR

The chocolates were a hit, but who doesn't like free chocolates? A woman paid $100 for my 100 chocolates, and I gave her two of my books to pick the kinds she'd like to have. She's a dark chocolate lover, so she kept asking if everything could be dark chocolate--it was kind of funny. I think she'll have fun picking them out, and anything she picks would be good for me to try and make. She really liked the Irish cream concoction which I think incidentally was the favorite.

It's fun knowing someone was willing to pay money for the chocolates I made. I think I may keep doing these silent auctions, and using it as a way of perfecting my chocolates. My goal will be selling them for real in two years time. I think this year will be a year of learning and improving, and then another year of figuring out a marketing plan. There's one thing I know I don't need to improve on: the Irish cream concoction. It's really velvety smooth, and a hit with everyone. I think that will become the base for all of my liqueur based truffles.

Why not, right?

On another note, I'm finishing packing tonight, and then tomorrow I'm off. I can't wait. I'm leaving the computer at home, so I'll be incommunicado for a week, but that's part of being on vacation, right?

I'm hoping and praying that Puerto Rico will be good for my soul, and hopefully it will help heal some of the residual funk that's been hounding me.

I'll post tons of pictures when I get back!

Adios...

On my way...

I just got off the phone with a company that sells chocolate tempering machines. One will be winging it's way to me in the next few weeks, along with ten pounds of chocolate. Today in the mail there was a check I'd forgotten was coming that was $1.00 more than the machine I was looking at buying. I took it as a zero sum proposition, just so long as I viewed all the work I did for the check as volunteer work which is easy to do.

This machine should make chocolate making a breeze--it keeps it at the precise temperature you need to ensure that your chocolate stays in temper. And let me tell you--the recipes in this book from the CIA look absolutely fantastic. I'm going to have a field day making these things!

Here's a blurb from the opening of Chapter 1:

Confectionery is arguably the most demanding of the culinary arts, requiring a degree of precision and accuracy unequaled in other areas of the kitchen...By understanding the ingredients commonly used in confectionery, knowing the proper use of confectionery tools, and mastering the basic processes, the artisan confectioner can bring to fruition any creative inspiration...when a professional truly understands ingredients, there is nothing that he or she cannot accomplish in formulation.

I think chocolate's right up my alley. I really enjoy things that require "precision and accuracy," and I like anyone who states so emphatically that with a thorough understanding of something like this, it's possible to "bring to fruition any creative inspiration." I think this is the guy to learn from, no question about it. This book is fantastic.

Inspiration

"Flavor is at the center of creativity for celebrated pastry chef Patrick Coston. Unique at the top of his field in that he is American born and entirely self-taught, he has built a successful career from the ground up with his passion for learning and a continual search for new challenges. While at Ilo, a three star Midtown Manhattan restaurant, he was honored as one of the Top 10 Pastry Chefs in America in both 2002 and 2003 by Pastry Art & Design Magazine. His hand-made chocolates have been called "a box o' bliss" by Gourmet Magazine, and in 2002, USA Today recognized Patrick as a Top Ten Artisanal Chocolatier."

This is the kind of guy I'd want to emulate.

Time to get crackin'

Lately I've been thinking a lot about dreams and what I'd really enjoy doing with my life. I think I want to be a chocolate maker. Or a baker. Or both. I've got two things in store that I'm planning to do. First, for a charity event the musicians in the symphony are putting together, I'm going to auction off 100 hand made chocolates for the silent auction portion of the fund raiser. I had a heck of a lot of fun working on the chocolates I made for Christmas, and some of them were really darn tasty. The Irish cream dipped chocolate is something I really think people would pay money for. I'll bring about 100 or so samples to the charity auction, and make sure they're perfect, which is the kind of obsessive work that I really enjoy doing. As to the auction, you never know who might try my chocolates and urge me on, you know? What I'll do is offer 100 chocolates, with four different flavors or varieties to be determined with the winner of the auction. I've become convinced that if I were given a flavor of a chocolate to make, I could make it, and it'd be pretty darn tasty after a few tries. I think chocolate is very forgiving, just so long as you follow the basic guidelines. And for me it's really, really fun.

This is the other thing on my mind: take a year or two experimenting with different styles and flavors, and then take a new variety to work each week for all of my colleagues to try. I'd probably even make little cards with questions for them to answer and bring those little golf pencils along. Here would be the deal: you can have a chocolate if you answer the questions, honestly. Final question would always be this: would you buy this chocolate, if you had a choice? Talk about market research! Musicians have a very discriminating palette and are harsh critics. If they were impressed, and I had a lineup of about 20 different kinds of chocolates, I'd be ready to go into business. And I'm already thinking of a boatload of fun flavor combinations, some I've never heard of before. That's the fun part!

The other thing I want to do this summer is put up a stall at the farmer's market. I've tried the pies and pastries you can buy at the farmer's market and they're really pretty mediocre. As they say, there's always room at the top, right? I'd sell mini pies and regular sized pies, probably in the following flavors: mom's cherry, brandied cherry/pear, blueberry, and three berry. Those can all be made ahead of time and frozen, then just baked the day before the market. Hopefully this summer I'll have two ovens in the house, if my kitchen remodel gets done when I want it, though I may just buy the new oven even if the kitchen isn't finished. I'd also sell some of my mint chocolate cookies, along with a variety of cupcakes or cakes and some other cookies, as well as some brownies. I'd have samples out there for everyone, and of course make sure that my stall was the nicest looking stall in the market, with cool looking signs talking about each of the products. Start relatively simple, but I think it wouldn't take very long to develop a very loyal clientele. My goal would be to be the talk of the market, which I think is what you need to do in anything you plan to succeed at. And man, I get fired up thinking about the idea!

I've been circling around the idea of doing something in the food business for years. I'm tired of circling, and I've developed enough skills that I think it's time to test the waters.

Full steam ahead!

Life Stuff

It was a beautiful day here, sunny and very warm, rare for this time of year. It was fantastic, but of course as is usually the case on beautiful Sundays, I was working. If you ever want to schedule an event on a Sunday, and you need good weather, check with me--if I'm working, you're guaranteed to have a nice day. It actually wasn't so bad for me though, since in the middle of the performance I had about 50 minutes off, so I left the pit and went for a walk outside along the river. It felt like a July day, and everywhere you looked people were out and about, walking their dogs, strolling with their family, riding some skateboards or going for a bike ride. We all know this is the calm before the storm and that nice weather like this needs to be taken advantage of.

For me though, everywhere I looked I saw couples out walking together, hand in hand, enjoying each other's company. That's all I seem to see these days. Whenever I go to church, I always seem to sit behind some happy couples, where the woman's arm is always rubbing the back of her boyfriend, where they'll whisper things to each other throughout the service, or they'll be holding hands the whole time. It's very distracting for me, but it seems to be a constant wherever I go.

On the way home today, I had a brief flash of a moment where I had a sense that someone was waiting for me at home, and I was happy. Of course it was some bizarre mirage stirred up by my subconscious desire for someone to be there and showed me in a very poignant way how much I long for someone to be there, waiting for me. It's awful to come home to an empty house.

I then headed to a difficult meeting with our negotiating committee, which I've been elected to. It entailed me confronting a colleague about some things which caused me serious concern, and it was awkward, uncomfortable and very stressful. Driving away, I just wanted someone I could talk to about it with, and to be able to debrief about it with someone. I'm on my own though, and just have to deal with it. I so envy the married.

Following the meeting, I went over to some colleagues from work for dinner. I had helped them out quite a bit earlier in the year with some things and they wanted to show me their appreciation by cooking dinner for me. As I sat there chatting with them and having dinner, I found myself longing to have someone there by my side too, to have a wife who would join me for such things. As the two of them chatted, invariably things came up that involved them doing things together, or making decisions together. They relayed how they've been establishing traditions for Thanksgiving that are becoming important to them as a couple, traditions that they want to create for their children, when they have them. The more I heard them talk, the more the empty chair beside me became a crushing void that weighed heavily on my heart and could not be ignored.

If you're married, don't ever, ever take your spouse for granted. The next time you see them, hug them, kiss them, and tell them how much better your life is with them, and that you thank God for them. Do it.

Not to get all spiritual, but...

I had an epiphany of sorts tonight. I've been thinking about a lot of life issues of late, and thinking about my hopes and dreams and the like. I was letting the mind run through all kinds of possibilities tonight, as I have been doing similarly in the past few weeks. In one of those moments of disquiet a few days ago, I threw up my metaphorical hands in the air, and uttered the only words I knew to say that could counter all of the angst I was feeling: Thy will be done.

I've always viewed those words as something we're supposed to say, that we're supposed to reach an elevated plane where that is the mantra that we use to represent our truest devotion to God. To say those words shows that we are truly obedient to the will of God. Tonight, as I found myself realizing that once again these were the only words I was left with, I realized that perhaps the most important aspect about those four little words is that within them can be found peace.

Alas, alack

Dreams dashed are the usual mode, I suppose, especially when it comes to competitions.

The cookie didn't make it into the final five.

Looks like it's time to go bake a cake.

Will Write For Food

I have a book out from the library about what it takes to become a food writer. I've been enjoying it quite a bit.

There's a chapter on what traits the professional food writer needs. I'm going to post them, and see what y'all think.

1. Passionate. (Check.)

2. Enthusiastic Researcher. (Can we say cooking geek?)

3. Energetic. (Debatable...though when food is involved, that's another story.)

4. Focused. (Zoom, macro and wide angle, baby.)

5. Skeptical. (I do share genes with the rest of my family, so that's a big affirmative.)

6. Fearless. (In the search of a good meal, I'd dive into an alleyway if there were some great smells heading my way.)

7. Inquisitive. (Just take a gander at my book shelf.)

8. Persistent. (30 cakes and counting...)

9. Knowledgeable about the subject. (Getting there.)

10. Professional. (I'd like to think so.)

11. Nostalgia for the past. (Those 30 cakes? Made using my grandmother's Kitchen Aid mixer, thank you very much.)

12. Ethical. (See #10.)

13. Careful. (I'm going with a yes on that one too.)

Maybe I could have a career in this after all.

What the Bleep Do We Know?

I watched a fascinating movie this weekend, recommended to me by several friends. What the Bleep Do We Know? is all about harnessing the power of your thoughts. It's got a lot of New Age hogwash, (there is no good, there is no bad...welcome to the kingdom of heaven--it's inside of you...we all are god), but if you sift through all of this hokum, there's a lot of truth to be learned. Truth that has been proclaimed by Scriptures long ago: as a man thinketh, so he is, as well as the need for taking captive your thoughts.

There is new scientific research on how the brain works that is quite compelling. Conventional wisdom used to be that our brains remained fairly unchanged from childhood throughout the rest of our lives, with the conclusion that you essentially can't teach an old dog new tricks. This is far from the truth. Our brain is constantly rewiring itself, as a result of our thoughts, actions and environment.

The film discussed how certain emotions can be hardwired to be associated with other outside stimuli. The most powerful example of this is that our brain has the capacity to associate the feeling of love with all kinds of things, both good and bad. To the researchers in the film who have studied brain chemistry extensively, this can explain in part why some people continually make bad choices with regards to relationships. Over time, their brain has rewired itself to associate love with negative feelings, and for some bizarre reason, our brains become addicted to these feelings and the chemical responses that a bad relationship can trigger.

The flipside of this is true as well. If our brains have been wired through repeated behaviors throughout our life, then it's possible to retrain and "rewire" our brains in other directions, towards positive outcomes. They speak of the "power of intention," which is a New Agey term that's in vogue these days, from people like Wayne Dyer and the like, but I do believe that at it's core is truth that believers can grab a hold of too.

The filmmakers talk a lot about quantum physics, to the point of relegating the "quantum field" almost to a point of deification. Essentially, quantum physics speaks of the reality in the physical world of infinite possibilities, that there is a theoretical possibility (outlined by Einstein) of "parallel universes" and the like, all stuff that sounds very hocus pocus. They point to the example of certain particles that when not being observed, are a wave, while when they are observed, are actual a fixed point. The physical state of these particles actually changes simply by the fact that they are observed. Heady stuff that only Einstein could dream up, but it is accepted as fact as much as gravity is.

The filmmakers talked with many people who have turned this idea of "infinite possibilities" into a philosophy of life, where our lives are for us to shape, with the power of our thoughts. Our lives are like that particle: when we observe it, we change it. When we think something, we create it, as if we're on some big, cosmic holodeck. Now this is where it gets loopy, and very New Agey. This is the hogwash that needs sifting out.

But in with the hogwash, there is a lot of truth that I'm still thinking about and trying to process. The world around us is shaped by our thoughts, not in some cosmic telekinetic way, but I do believe that our thoughts have power to shape us, which does impact our relationship with the world and those around us. My future is dramatically effected by my thoughts. I don't "create" my own reality, as one of the filmmakers says, but I can shape what happens in my life through how I think.

I have seen this in my own life, when I have set myself on a path to fulfill certain goals, and have given everything I had to bring them about. In high school, I set a goal to become a professional musician, and in the back of my mind, I hoped to teach at my alma mater when my professor retired. This was the path that I set out for myself, and both things have happened.

In my life, that is the one goal that I have worked at the most, the one goal that I told myself that I would give everything I had towards the effort. It happened, I think, through a combination of my hard work, and most importantly, the grace of God. I think the fulfillment of that dream was a combined effort between God and me (though I would readily admit that all good things we are able to do are an extension of the grace of God--it's that whole paradox of free will and grace, applied to a non-spiritual part of my life. It's also that debate about God giving us the desires of our heart: does he grant us our desires, or does he create the desires within us that will please him, or is it a mystical combination of the two? Which came first? I think God delights in our individuality, much as parents delight in seeing the individuality of their children--even though God is omniscient, I wonder if he delights in seeing us develop into the people that we are becoming, and then, as a loving Father, grants us bread instead of stone. I don't have answers to these questions.)

This all brings me to the question of how to jibe this with the teaching of Scripture, and the will of God. I guess I'm right now asking more questions than anything, but this movie is one point in a continuum where I have really begun asking the questions about how our thoughts impact our lives, and I want to make sure that it fits in with the will of God.

Here's the exciting part for me. What these people don't take into account is the power of the Holy Spirit. I mean, what these people are saying about the scientific reality of the human brain is true: our body has the power to rewire the neural nets of our brain, neural nets that impact our behavior. When you consider the phrase "be transformed by the renewing of your mind," and you mix in a dash of the Holy Spirit, you've got some exciting possibilities before you.

"Take every thought captive to Christ." Amen, brother!

What is it that holds us back? What thoughts have ruled our lives? Is it one where I'm destined to think I'm always going to be rotund? Is it one that thinks I've gone as far as I will in my career? Is it one where I doubt I'll ever find the love of my life? Is it one that fears the possibilities of pursuing my dreams? I believe that the doubts I have about these issues in my life directly impact my ability to achieve them, and are the primary obstacles in the way of achieving those goals. And I think this is as true as gravity.

These filmmakers talk about "creating my own reality." Well, if I had a choice, I'd let the creator of the world create my own reality, thank you very much. I think I could trust him a bit more than me (at least I'm trying to get there). The message for me from this film is that I must always combat negative thoughts, and replace them with thoughts that are uplifting.

"Finally brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise, think on these things."

I believe that we should follow our dreams, with every fiber of our being, with the belief that God is with us. I don't say this in an ignorant or naive manner, as if the fact of our relationship with God is a magic pill to help us get what we want. But if we are pursuing goals that we believe are God-given, and that are pure and fit in with the categories laid about by Paul in the passage above, then I say pursue it with everything you've got, with the wind behind your sails and a belief that God will walk with you, and open doors for you that could only be explained by his intervention.

One man in the film begins each day, with the goal of "creating his day," and he speaks some mumbo jumbo to the "quantum field," asking that he be shown signs of how his thoughts have shaped the world around him throughout the day. We don't need no stinking quantum field: we have the Creator of the Universe watching our back. What I desire to do, is to wake each day, and ask for the strength to combat the negative thoughts and lies that I hear all the time, to replace them with thoughts that are encouraging and uplifting, with the belief that I can and will achieve the goals I've set out for myself, with the assistance of God.

Admittedly, our relationship with God isn't all about "achieving our goals." But it is certainly about finding freedom from the lies we tell ourselves. And once those lies are removed from the databank, and we are in the center of God's will, the possibilities are limitless.

Sometimes I believe that I have a fear of success, or a built in caution against success, which stems from an overwrought sense of what it means to "submit to the will of God." We're supposed to walk humbly before our God, and all that, so maybe I shouldn't dream about "making it big" in the music world, or becoming a successful food writer, or becoming known as the best bread baker in five counties. That, I am convinced, is a huge lie that needs to be expunged from my life.

We are made for work. It is good for man to get his hands dirty, and to feel the sweat of his brow. God is glorified when we work! The parable of the talents comes to mind: What will I do with the gifts I've been given? Will I nurture them, develop them and do great things with them, or will I be content to sit by and wile away the hours of my life, hoping for what "might have been?" Will I embrace the goals, dreams and aspirations that thrill me, with the belief that God blesses these desires and wants to see me succeed in them?

I'm going to choose the latter, starting today.

I'm very curious what your thoughts are.

Mega Millions?

Last week, the lottery reached an insane level: $370 million. I don't play the lottery, though I have bought a random ticket here and there over the years, and I thought about it last week, just for kicks. It didn't happen, but it raised one of those fun hypothetical questioned that we've all asked ourselves, since we were little kids: what would you do if you won the lottery?

It's fun to think about, but I've never really thought of it as anything more than banal playing around with friends. I got to thinking about this question last week when I heard how high the lottery was, and I realized asking the question actually gave me some insight into what I'm truly passionate about, and what my dreams are.

Beyond the obvious ones of paying off my own and my family members' mortgages, or buying them a new car, paying for everyone's college education, etc., the first thought that came to mind was that I would take a one year sabbatical from my job at the symphony and enroll for the one year program at the Culinary Institute of America to become a pastry chef. Actually, I would say that this was the first thought that immediately came to mind, and the mortgage payment, cars and the rest followed on its heels.

That was very revealing to me. I think that would be the most enjoyable year of my life, and I would drop everything in a heartbeat to do it, if I had the financial means to do it. When I'd return, I'd probably continue in the symphony, because that's too enjoyable to give up, and I would work on making plans to open my own shop. I often have visions of starting my own bakery, baking bread and other tasty stuff. I even have a name in mind for this hypothetical bakeshop. I find it very satisfying to cook or make enjoyable food for those around me, and I think I'd find this to be a very rewarding career.

All of this lottery-induced thinking made me more aware of how much I think about doing this. Dreams keep us going, and are fun, but it's quite rare for us to follow through on them. It's very impractical for me to take a year off and enroll in the Culinary Institute of America. I've calculated that I'd need to have $30,000 in the bank to make that work, all for an untested dream. I'm not able to do that. But there is another option.

There's a terrific culinary school here in town, with an excellent pastry chef who was known to the teachers I had out at the CIA last summer. It's a part of the community college here, so tuition for the year is around $5,000. That's doable, but in order to do it, I'd have to modify my work schedule, and try to go half time at work, which I think they might be willing to do. I'd have to save up for a year or two, and tighten the belt, but just so long as I could work part time at the symphony, and hopefully arrange some way to continue with my quintet, (which could be difficult), I could really make this work. It would be an insanely busy year, starting at the community college at 6:00 a.m. and going straight through until the end of rehearsal at 10:00 at night, but I think I would be energized by how fun it would be.

I'm going to go visit the school and find out more about the program in the next couple of weeks. I don't want this dream to die without fully investigating the possibilities. They always say, "do what you love," and I'm already doing one thing that I love. But right now, I don't find myself dreaming about getting that next gig with a bigger orchestra. Right now, my vision is making some amazing bread and the best darn tasting stuff on the planet in a bakery all my own.