I had a strange and surprising dream the other day. I dreamed about Meg for some reason, and in this dream, I learned that Meg was about to get married. In my dream, this filled me with an aching feeling, and much sadness. It seems strange to me that I would dream this, after being apart for four years, far longer than the year and a half we were together. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but the feeling I had in that dream has lingered ever since. I suppose it's never possible to excise a person from your psyche. Which is probably a good thing.
On another note, I've lost 20 pounds in three weeks. This Optifast program really works, but man, I am often hungry! I've gone off the program a few times, but I'm still losing, so this is encouraging. It's nice to fit into pants that once fit, but haven't for quite some time, and soon I'll be out of XXL shirts, and back into XL...then on my way to L. God help me, I want to be an L again!
Showing posts with label Optifast. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Optifast. Show all posts
Friday, October 08, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Gym
I'm not a fan of "the gym." I'm filled with all kinds of prejudices wrapped around the whole milieu of "going to the gym," or "working out." I remember in college hearing guys talk about working out, or how they needed to get to the gym, and within me I silently judged them for being so shallow and self-absorbed. I quietly mocked them in my own mind, all the while celebrating my lack of concern over such things.
I think this all began in school, when phys ed class seemed like the biggest joke on the planet. Even from a young age, I viewed the cultural focus on sports to be silly, and that sports were unimportant to society as a whole, and in fact the whole world of sports in my mind seemed at times idolatrous. (I still believe this, to a certain extent, and find it obscene that sports figures earn multi-million dollar contracts, when I question the actual positive contributions professional sports makes to society as a whole. I think, overall, the influence of professional sports is a negative one, but that could still be part of my bias--but a bias I'm willing to hang onto, even though I'm attempting to shed others).
After going to the gym yesterday for the first time in ages, I still don't like it. But I'm going to go and stick it out. I had a rough time yesterday, only because this diet I'm on is so low in calories that my body didn't react well to what I was putting it through. Several times while doing some work with the machines, I felt as if I was going to pass out or puke. No pain, no gain, but I was shocked at how light headed I was. I had to stop short because I was afraid I was going to pass out. I was the object of concern from the trainers, and the women in my class--a little humbling, to say the least, but I couldn't really help the condition it put me in.
I'm going to try and reboot my relationship with exercise, and the gym. Through some strange manifestation of pride in my life, I have wanted to always shun any association with going to the gym, or working out, but I realize now that this has only been detrimental to me. 100 years ago people got plenty of exercise living their lives--lifting hay bales, feeding cattle, sowing corn. I get paid to sit on my arse all day, and play trombone. That's it. If I'm not moving my body, I'm not honoring the image of God within me by striving to be healthy. I suppose the gym is the place where most people who care about staying healthy go these days, so apparently this needs to include me.
I am getting the "eye of the tiger" with this weight loss program. I'll be involved with the program for 18 weeks, and I asked the doctor the other day what's possible in those nearly five months. He told me that the program will be as effective as the effort I put into it. This resonates with the musician in me--I'm a professional because I worked at it, hard, to become one, and didn't let go of the dream I had as a high school student. I can be neurotically myopic with things in my life, when I want to get something accomplished, and I'm going to try and be this way with this part of my life. I'm tired of living this way, at weighing this much, and I want to change the remainder of my life on this earth, and never again be above 200 lbs., Lord willing. The doctor told me that he's seen people like me lose 100 lbs in five months. That's a goal worth aspiring towards, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make it happen.
My program will be completed on January 19, 2011. I'm aiming for 100 lbs. loss in that time, which is a huge and daunting task, but I want to reach that goal more than anything. May God give me the grace to continue on. My plan as a reward for all that effort is going to the Caribbean or South America in the first part of February. Costa Rica has some adventure tours, which require a lot of physical activity, and that sounds like a hell of a lot of fun...especially for a guy that weighs 185 instead of 285.
I think this all began in school, when phys ed class seemed like the biggest joke on the planet. Even from a young age, I viewed the cultural focus on sports to be silly, and that sports were unimportant to society as a whole, and in fact the whole world of sports in my mind seemed at times idolatrous. (I still believe this, to a certain extent, and find it obscene that sports figures earn multi-million dollar contracts, when I question the actual positive contributions professional sports makes to society as a whole. I think, overall, the influence of professional sports is a negative one, but that could still be part of my bias--but a bias I'm willing to hang onto, even though I'm attempting to shed others).
After going to the gym yesterday for the first time in ages, I still don't like it. But I'm going to go and stick it out. I had a rough time yesterday, only because this diet I'm on is so low in calories that my body didn't react well to what I was putting it through. Several times while doing some work with the machines, I felt as if I was going to pass out or puke. No pain, no gain, but I was shocked at how light headed I was. I had to stop short because I was afraid I was going to pass out. I was the object of concern from the trainers, and the women in my class--a little humbling, to say the least, but I couldn't really help the condition it put me in.
I'm going to try and reboot my relationship with exercise, and the gym. Through some strange manifestation of pride in my life, I have wanted to always shun any association with going to the gym, or working out, but I realize now that this has only been detrimental to me. 100 years ago people got plenty of exercise living their lives--lifting hay bales, feeding cattle, sowing corn. I get paid to sit on my arse all day, and play trombone. That's it. If I'm not moving my body, I'm not honoring the image of God within me by striving to be healthy. I suppose the gym is the place where most people who care about staying healthy go these days, so apparently this needs to include me.
I am getting the "eye of the tiger" with this weight loss program. I'll be involved with the program for 18 weeks, and I asked the doctor the other day what's possible in those nearly five months. He told me that the program will be as effective as the effort I put into it. This resonates with the musician in me--I'm a professional because I worked at it, hard, to become one, and didn't let go of the dream I had as a high school student. I can be neurotically myopic with things in my life, when I want to get something accomplished, and I'm going to try and be this way with this part of my life. I'm tired of living this way, at weighing this much, and I want to change the remainder of my life on this earth, and never again be above 200 lbs., Lord willing. The doctor told me that he's seen people like me lose 100 lbs in five months. That's a goal worth aspiring towards, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make it happen.
My program will be completed on January 19, 2011. I'm aiming for 100 lbs. loss in that time, which is a huge and daunting task, but I want to reach that goal more than anything. May God give me the grace to continue on. My plan as a reward for all that effort is going to the Caribbean or South America in the first part of February. Costa Rica has some adventure tours, which require a lot of physical activity, and that sounds like a hell of a lot of fun...especially for a guy that weighs 185 instead of 285.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Long time, no post!
It's been quite awhile since I've swung by Theme and Variations. It's a little dusty from wont of use, I suppose, but I've decided to begin posting a few thoughts on a new development in my life. I'm on a serious diet, and a serious bootcamp that will last for 18 weeks.
I began this new program this past Wednesday. I have decided that as far food is concerned, and my relationship with it, I need a complete reboot of the system, and a reformat of the hard drive. In my 40 years of life, I've come to be an abuser of food, not merely a user of food. Food was given by God in part to be enjoyed, through our senses, but just all things sensual, there can easily be abuse of the good gifts of God. This is the story of my relationship with food.
I'm viewing these three or so months as a bit of penance for abusing food for so long, and in that context, I'm thinking I'll be able to stay on the straight and narrow. It's also one of those programs where you drop weight like you're jumping out of an airplane, which is tremendously exciting, and according to most research, the fast weight loss is the loss that stays, contrary to popular sentiment that "slow and steady wins the race." I've been on this program since Wednesday, and I've dropped quite a few pounds, and I think by next Wednesday, I will have dropped at least ten pounds, and probably a bit more, if it keeps at this rate.
The other reason I decided to go with this program is that it requires you to go into the doctor's office once a week for a check up, to make sure all is well. They routinely check blood levels and the like, so though it's a very low calorie diet, they keep track of how you're doing, so you know you're being healthy. They also require participants to attend a two hour meeting/work out once a week, since it's important that any lasting change becomes a lifestyle reboot as well. I've come to the realization that I've never allowed myself to view myself as a "fit" person, for some bizarre psychological reason that escapes me, but is really unimportant. I'm choosing with my rational mind to view myself as someone who can indeed be fit, and gain control over food again, through the grace of God. And as St. Augustine says, the grace of God operates through "secondary means," and so the choice to invest in this weight loss program I feel is a direct expression of God's grace in my life. I firmly believe that this three month crazy diet is the kind of Draconian measure that I need in my life to gain mastery over this part of my life.
I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with food, and I suppose the next three months the particular "variation" I'll be focusing on will be my musings on weight loss, food, gluttony, and the grace of God.
I began this new program this past Wednesday. I have decided that as far food is concerned, and my relationship with it, I need a complete reboot of the system, and a reformat of the hard drive. In my 40 years of life, I've come to be an abuser of food, not merely a user of food. Food was given by God in part to be enjoyed, through our senses, but just all things sensual, there can easily be abuse of the good gifts of God. This is the story of my relationship with food.
I'm viewing these three or so months as a bit of penance for abusing food for so long, and in that context, I'm thinking I'll be able to stay on the straight and narrow. It's also one of those programs where you drop weight like you're jumping out of an airplane, which is tremendously exciting, and according to most research, the fast weight loss is the loss that stays, contrary to popular sentiment that "slow and steady wins the race." I've been on this program since Wednesday, and I've dropped quite a few pounds, and I think by next Wednesday, I will have dropped at least ten pounds, and probably a bit more, if it keeps at this rate.
The other reason I decided to go with this program is that it requires you to go into the doctor's office once a week for a check up, to make sure all is well. They routinely check blood levels and the like, so though it's a very low calorie diet, they keep track of how you're doing, so you know you're being healthy. They also require participants to attend a two hour meeting/work out once a week, since it's important that any lasting change becomes a lifestyle reboot as well. I've come to the realization that I've never allowed myself to view myself as a "fit" person, for some bizarre psychological reason that escapes me, but is really unimportant. I'm choosing with my rational mind to view myself as someone who can indeed be fit, and gain control over food again, through the grace of God. And as St. Augustine says, the grace of God operates through "secondary means," and so the choice to invest in this weight loss program I feel is a direct expression of God's grace in my life. I firmly believe that this three month crazy diet is the kind of Draconian measure that I need in my life to gain mastery over this part of my life.
I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with food, and I suppose the next three months the particular "variation" I'll be focusing on will be my musings on weight loss, food, gluttony, and the grace of God.
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